Girth McDürchstein's 'The Hedge'!

The Story

Click here to read Girth's letter to the band from 2000, explaining the story in his own words!

Girth McDürchstein's 'The Hedge' employs a flashback structure to gradually reveal more and more information about our protagonist, so that by the time this fictitious Girth McDürchstein snaps and murders a bellhop and a prostitute, we fully understand and even empathize with his actions.

The story begins with young Girth, whose parents neglected and abused him. As he grows up, the child develops an unusual outlook on life, relationships, and sex. He daydreams about being a heavy-metal star, while living in a rural city that preaches conformity over originality. Consequently, he's ostracized from students at school and has no friends until college, when he meets The One — the absolute perfect woman. Soon, Girth faces the biggest decision of his life: should he leave The One to pursue his rock star dreams, or settle down?

Girth leaves her, but this decision might be his downfall. After an indeterminate period of failure, Girth reflects on his life during one long, tortured night — and realizes his entire life has been little more than wrong decisions. He lashes out by murdering a bellhop; later, he hires a prostitute, has his way with her, and murders her. Already driven over the edge, the guilt forces him to spiral to rock-bottom. Will Girth kill himself to reveal the guilt, or will he triumph over his fractured mind? Find out in Girth McDürchstein's 'The Hedge.'

Also of interest: Colby Witherspoon's comprehensive analysis of Girth McDürchstein's 'The Hedge.'